Culture Shock – What I Expected vs. What Surprised Me When I Moved to The Netherlands

| Leiden International Centre

Welcome to Ruth's Corner, a monthly column curated by our helpdesk professional Ruth to share with you her experience and expertise! This month it's all about culture shock.

Here’s a glimpse into my personal experience of culture shock after moving to the Netherlands 18 years ago. 

Things I expected 

  • Struggling to learn & speak Dutch – But I did it! 

  • Discrimination – I was prepared for it, but thankfully, I didn’t experience it. 

  • Loneliness – I definitely felt this, especially in the beginning, and occasionally even later. 

  • The Dutch directness – I’ve learned to appreciate it, though I still struggle with it at times. 

What I Didn’t Expect 

  • Difficulty forming friendship groups – This was harder than I imagined. 

  • Coffee-only culture – Coming from the North of England, I was used to inviting people in for a meal. Here, it’s often just coffee. 

  • Lack of “please” and “thank you” – As a Brit, I still hear my parents reminding me to mind my manners! 

  • Bike rage (from me!) – Why does no one indicate? I need to know where you're going! 

  • Miscommunication – I expected others to share my values and ways of communicating, which led to misunderstandings. This is typical culture shock. 

  • Isolation – It took a long time to stop feeling so alone. 

  • Lack of motivation – I still have moments where I need to push myself to try new things or get outside and exercise, even when I know it is good for me. 

The list could go on, and you probably have your own list, I just wanted to share a little of my own experiences with you.  It is very weird reflecting back on some of the emotions I went through and the hills I had to climb (not that there any hills in the Netherlands) to accept my new surroundings and make it home.  I’ve always been someone who keeps going, no matter how I feel. That has its upsides and downsides. On the positive side, it can help you try new things, discover more about yourself, and keep moving forward.  On the flip side, ignoring the emotional challenges can make it harder to enjoy your new surroundings. This can leave you feeling drained, critical, and maybe even needing professional support. 

As I mentioned in my last post, finding balance is key. Sometimes, a different group or setting can lead to a more positive experience. But it’s also okay to take a step back and rest. I had to learn to sometimes reach out to the expat community, before stepping back into Dutch culture.   

At the Helpdesk, I often meet people who are either overwhelmed or excited by their new life here. There’s no right or wrong way to feel. It takes time to feel like you belong—and that’s okay. 

It’s also okay to ask for help. Whether it’s practical questions about living here or emotional support, there are people and services ready to help. One of my passions at the Helpdesk is making people feel welcome, answering their questions, and sharing my love for Leiden. 

A Few Tips 

  • Do you have practical questions? Contact our Helpdesk at helpdesk@leideninternationalcentre.nl. We’ll do our best to help or refer you to one of our partners who can. 

  • Join one of our Meet&Mingle evenings to connect with fellow internationals. 

  • Check out our event page to discover new interests or attend local events. 

  • Take care of yourself – and enjoy the 3rd of October celebrations in Leiden! 
     

Want to Share Your Story? 

If you’d like to share your own journey of living in the Netherlands, we’d love to hear from you! Get in touch so we can feature your story on our website.